(Click above to hear me read this post)
May you recognize that intellect will not get you there. May your suffering be your most obvious and sincere invitation to joy. May your rock bottom show you to yourself as a creature most deserving of love. May you listen to good music and feel possible. May your love be a signature of humility, reverence, and fearless delight. In the absence of anything else to take its place, love will rush in all around you and you will know it is there. You will know iall there ever is, all there ever was, all there ever will be. It is our work to create the absence.
To transform, you will need to be willing to burn what you believe you believe to the ground. The clouds will move in. It will be dark. This is where you learn to perceive the light. Even without sight. Even without touch.
What if nothing is a punishment. What if all anyone deserves is peace. You included. What if the only one who can ever give you peace is you. What if you have to give it to yourself in the midst of great frustration, anger, chaos, and fear. What if love, joy, generosity, abundance, faith, and forgiveness are all choices of how you want to be, not chips you hand out to those you decide deserve them.
May you recognize the love you wish you had is the love that you are, but haven’t let in yet. Remember, there is a part of you which can perceive the light without sight, without touch. That part is the part that does not need saving. That is the part that will save you. That is the part that is saving you now as we speak. That is the part that saved you long ago, and that was the only rescue you ever needed.
Suffering is not separation. It is the belief in a separation that does not exist.
The truth about recovery is that it is alchemy. We have learned to encounter our suffering and not strike back. We know defense is the first act of war, foremost within ourselves. We work with suffering in a way that reframes everything we thought we understood about ourselves, the world around us, and how we orient ourselves within it. We transform death into life. And life into a love that is higher than high.
Free gifts for you *yay* Free subscribers get a free copy of 30 days of sober exploration journal prompts. Paid subscribers get a free copy of my sobriety memoir ‘Love Me Sober’ and access to my pre-recorded audio sober coaching series on overcoming the 5 biggest obstacles to continuous sobriety. Cool. :)
Allison Marie Conway is a published author (Love Me Sober, 2023; Luminae, 2018), addiction recovery coach, mentor, researcher, and advocate. Allison currently lives in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, with her husband, John, of seventeen years. She is deeply grateful to be recovering during midlife.
Beautiful 😊🥰
Beautiful Allison! Thank you. 🙏