Far away from the beginning
and just getting started.
A check-in: Everything is overwhelming inside and out and so I’ve not a whole lot to say because it’s all very crowded inside. I write for hours every morning and paint for hours every afternoon. I’m questioning my entire belief system from the ground up. I belong nowhere, I trust nothing, until I’ve pried it open and seen its underbelly for myself. I feel stripped to the bone. I’m exploring myself thoroughly without deciding about anything. It takes its toll. This is not a flaw!! Humans who engage with life get beat up, drained, hurt, confused, and otherwise messed with. It’s just how it is. No martyrs, no prisoners.
I’ve been really, really angry. Justifiably, but also it’s caught me off guard. I am good with it. It’s something I can work with. I lose my entire shit on ‘God’ and yell-write at the great beyond in my journal using very very nasty language. I do not hold back. I want a fight. I need to unload extremely toxic shit that is no one’s fault and …